yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
