2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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