If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
