Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
It's like God shit irony all over that family
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
