you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
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