Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Randomize
