I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
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