Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Randomize
