I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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