I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
