I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
