My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
