I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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