Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
A+ Viking dick
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
