i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
