I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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