please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Why is your signature on my underwear?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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