you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize