Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
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