he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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