really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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