Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize