Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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