all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Be still, my beating vagina.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Randomize
