Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
