I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
