you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
