So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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