I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
