I was born with a shot glass in my hand
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
