Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
