it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize