I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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