Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
