last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
