my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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