Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
