i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
