It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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