She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
