I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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