That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
