ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
