I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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