12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize