I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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