i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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