Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
