I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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