I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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