I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
why does every cop we meet know your name?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
