Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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