Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
