You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
