So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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