The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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