Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
