When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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