After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
